Alright, friends, so this post is less than happy. And I debated about even posting it, but I need to get this out. And let's face it-no one's life is perfect all the time, right? So I can't be all roses, and daisies, and gumdrops now can I?
I have to be honest. My heart and soul has been sad for a while now about one certain subject.
Now, I am not the kind of girl who makes friends easy. I have TONS of surface level friends that I can hang out with and have a great time with. BUT, I can count on one hand the number of DEAR friends that I just have a soul connection with. You know the friends that you can completely bare your soul to and who will cry with you and hug you any time you need?
See I have a hard time making those kinds of friends. I am NOT good at being vulnerable.... and I kind of have a harder time letting people in. So when I do, you are usually a friend for life. As in you are not getting out of this friendship ever.
But moving away is not the easiest thing. Especially for the one leaving like me. Sometimes, people are not great at being on the phone. Such is the case with one of my friends.
She is definitely one of those friends that you see being the "aunt" to your future kids, being 60 years old and going on a girl's vacation, and having a friendship that spans several decades.
Or at least I thought.
And this is the part that hurts the most dear readers. I call. She doesn't answer. She returns my call........three weeks later. We talk for two minutes....she becomes distracted, then asks if she can call me back .....and doesn't. We talk alot...when she needs a shoulder to cry on....when she doesn't....the phone doesn't ring.
And basically, I am hurt and emotionally exhausted from all of the effort I have to put in. And every time this happens, I get my feelings hurt. Of course, when we see each other in person, it is like nothing has changed....and I see my old friend emerge.....but it is the cliche " out of sight, out of mind".
And I am sick of it. Do I continue being a great friend to her and take what she gives and get walked on? Or do I take a step back and let my heart heal and focus my time elsewhere?
I don't know...this has been weighing on me pretty heavy. Prayers are much appreciated.
And because I need a pick me up. For your viewing pleasure.
6 comments:
First of all, I can totally relate. I don't let myself get vulnerable with too many people and once I do, they are usually friends FOR LIFE!
I'm sorry about your friendship, I have been through the same thing and eventually the relationship becomes more exhausting than it's worth. It's a crummy feeling and one that never feels good, you'll be in my prayers.
hey girl!
i know this is totally random, but my husband and i photographed josh & theresa's wedding and somewhere along the way, i stumbled across your blog! either way, i've randomly read what you have to say and some posts that you write (like this one) strike such a chord in me.
to be honest, i'm that friend. the friend that doesn't pick up her phone, but has good intentions of calling back! i hate this quality about myself and wish that it weren't so, but when it comes to changing how i am as a long distance friend, it never works! :(
i know that we technically just became blogger friends, but if you have any tips for the non-phone friend that genuinely does care about relationships, but just can't seem to make it happen... i would greatly appreciate it! :)
Mandie,
I think that I know who this is and you know that she does not intentionally mean to hurt your feelings - some people just aren't very organinzed. They are dingbats!! But you know that God brought you into each others lives for a reason. He probably knew that she would need a loyal friend who would be a friend no matter what. You are that kind of person! Besides, friends are not easy to find and even harder to keep over the years - that is life. Just keep trying to be the best friend that you can be and just accept that is how she is and don't let it hurt your feelings too much. Love you, Mom
P.S. - Got a kick out of the pic!!
Your mom is so right Mandie. Preach it, Marsha!
Honestly I am that person as well. And my best friend called me on it. Since we don't see each other too often we must rely on phone conversations, which I'm terrible at. She called one day and said look we've got to keep up better and basically told me to answer my phone and call her back or we would drift apart -- which neither of us wanted.
As soon as she said something to me, I knew she was right -- I needed to be a better friend. Im not sure if that helps you at all, but you are such a loyal and good friend and I'm sure she doesn't mean to or want to hurt you. Next time you talk just tell her your heart and let her know that you really need her to be your friend right now. I think by telling her the truth and that it hurts you when she doesn't call or answer might help things a bit.
While I agree with my BEAUTIFUL Aunt Marsha, that people are dingbats (I'm the poster child) I've found, and Jennifer as well, that as pessimistic and sad as it sounds most people are not very good at caring for others. I have felt this many times, and I lost a very close friend when I was pregnant, I guess she couldn't relate and wasn't who I thought she was. I'm like you though, when I make a friend they are friends for life, remember our Reba concerts? I do, and I consider you to be one of my very close childhood friends. But unfortunately life does happen, and people drift apart, you shouldn't let it get to you too much. Better days are coming, you'll see!
This post was great thanks for sharing this part of your life with us. I know exactly how you feel, I too do not open up right away with those I have just met, and would love to have more lasting friendships. It's tough especially when friends graduate, move away that just gets harder. Hang in there it will be okay. :)
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