WARNING: DEPRESSING POST AHEAD.
Alright, friends, so this post is less than happy. And I debated about even posting it, but I need to get this out. And let's face it-no one's life is perfect all the time, right? So I can't be all roses, and daisies, and gumdrops now can I?
I have to be honest. My heart and soul has been sad for a while now about one certain subject.
Now, I am not the kind of girl who makes friends easy. I have TONS of surface level friends that I can hang out with and have a great time with. BUT, I can count on one hand the number of DEAR friends that I just have a soul connection with. You know the friends that you can completely bare your soul to and who will cry with you and hug you any time you need?
See I have a hard time making those kinds of friends. I am NOT good at being vulnerable.... and I kind of have a harder time letting people in. So when I do, you are usually a friend for life. As in you are not getting out of this friendship ever.
But moving away is not the easiest thing. Especially for the one leaving like me. Sometimes, people are not great at being on the phone. Such is the case with one of my friends.
She is definitely one of those friends that you see being the "aunt" to your future kids, being 60 years old and going on a girl's vacation, and having a friendship that spans several decades.
Or at least I thought.
And this is the part that hurts the most dear readers. I call. She doesn't answer. She returns my call........three weeks later. We talk for two minutes....she becomes distracted, then asks if she can call me back .....and doesn't. We talk alot...when she needs a shoulder to cry on....when she doesn't....the phone doesn't ring.
And basically, I am hurt and emotionally exhausted from all of the effort I have to put in. And every time this happens, I get my feelings hurt. Of course, when we see each other in person, it is like nothing has changed....and I see my old friend emerge.....but it is the cliche " out of sight, out of mind".
And I am sick of it. Do I continue being a great friend to her and take what she gives and get walked on? Or do I take a step back and let my heart heal and focus my time elsewhere?
I don't know...this has been weighing on me pretty heavy. Prayers are much appreciated.
And because I need a pick me up. For your viewing pleasure.